


Experiences

by Diddle_Riddle



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Green Lantern (Comics)
Genre: Dirty Talk, Ed and Steph are family, Flirting (sort of), Fluff, Friends as Family, Friendship, Gen, Humor, It's Hal and Eddie, Kinda Crackish, M/M, Really it's mostly teasing but they insert dirty thoughts, Reformed Edward Nygma, Siblings, Somehow, Steph is having fun, Stephanie Brown is Batgirl, Teasing, They are flirting machines but it's always terrible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25481641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diddle_Riddle/pseuds/Diddle_Riddle
Summary: It's not Batgirl's fault if her brother of heart has very peculiar tastes when it comes to love interests.Or: Stephanie and Edward are sitting in a bar when Hal Jordan dramatically walks in.
Relationships: Hal Jordan/Edward Nygma, Jonathan Crane/Edward Nygma, Scriddler is mentioned, Stephanie Brown & Edward Nygma, Stephanie Brown & Hal Jordan
Kudos: 16





	Experiences

**Author's Note:**

> For the record, in this:  
> Stephanie is 22  
> Edward is 32  
> Hal must be 35 / 36 (I still haven't decided, but I want him to be just a few years older than Ed).  
> And... no matter their ages, they act like teenagers.

"Oh, please. Not him."

Stephanie's smile grew wide at the pitch of Edward's desperate little tone, he stared at the individual who entered the shabby bar.

"Quick!", he activated his 'conspiracy mode' voice. "If we make our exit by the back door, this oaf won't..."

"Eddie!", a clear voice cut short his hopes, as the man walked in he immediately spotted their table against the wall.

Hal Jordan has a sixth sense to just... _feel_ people's presence, this goes past any sort of attempted disguise. Ed suspects it's a direct consequence of his ring's long-term effects on his metabolism. It's close to the impossible to sneak up on a Lantern; Eddie, Steph and Jason learned so at their expense.

"Give me strength not to attack this obnoxious idiot.", the ginger pled as their unfortunate encounter reached their spot at the end of the bar / restaurant.

"No chance in Hell.", Batgirl laughed lightly. "You and Hal fighting is _always_ so funny: you guys look like two conceited green beans swimming in the air."

The mental –truthful– picture of how most of their interactions are punctuated provoked an offended huff from her big brother.

Forever having a thing for drama (probably the reason why Edward and Stephanie get along with him, being two of Gotham's most notarious boastful drama queens...), Hal stood proudly in front of their table.

"Blondie.", he saluted her. "I see you still haven't found a decent adopted sibling to hang out with."

"I see you still haven't found a hairdresser who wouldn't be _blind.",_ she retorted in the same teasing tone. "Your hair should be archived as a natural disaster of high magnitude."

Ed and Steph grinned. The former Riddler may complain at each occasion their path cross Jordan's, they inevitably have a _good time_ when they interact.

"My hair shall remain a disaster.", he took note of the pun, visibly fighting not to smile as well.

Thereafter he turned to Edward in order to properly finish his greeting:

"Mister famous Private Investigator. What is a fine gentleman like you doing in a place like this? And by 'fine gentleman', I mean evil skank."

"As if you don't fit the category better than anyone.", Eddie scoffed.

He raised his glass of... ice tea. Definitely, he doesn't appreciate alcohol, plus has no intention to drink during work given his close to _absolute zero_ tolerance. Next thing he completed:

"Here's to evil skanks."

Stephanie laughed.

"To evil skanks!", she approved, Eddie and her shook their glasses.

Then... Hal sat on the faded red couch next to Ed whom let out a deep, frustrated sigh.

"Get out, Lantern.", he blamed, relatively quietly not to attract additional attention on them. "We're in the middle of a case."

"We're undercover.", Steph explained, she advanced toward them on the small table.

"No kidding, me too!", the vigilante rejoiced. "Except for me it's... not mission-related, being 'undercover' simply means I wear civilian clothes. I have the sentiment to be undercover whenever I am not in my bright bodysuit. May I join your investigation? Lemme grab a glass, let's play Sherlock Holmes together."

Hal rapidly made his way to the bar to order himself a drink. Edward grumbled, his reproving expression on. Stephie smirked knowingly: what her Eddie must be thinking right know is that he doesn't want Jordan to come along because if they pair for work, they'd likely end up pairing for _bed,_ too. One doesn't change the habits, Riddler and Green Lantern have... history. Those two have no problem turn it up again as Detective Nygma and apparently, 'undercover Hal'.

"What's the plan?", Hal queried as he sat back next to him, a medium-sized pint of beer in hand. "Operation discretion?"

"Discretion is compromised since you stepped through that door.", Eddie jeered.

Without taking account of the remark, the Lantern proposed in a fake innocent expression:

"I have an idea: to blend in for the 'cover' aspect, let's pretend we're engaged."

Ed narrowed his eyes, Steph felt the hilarious outcome rising as her bro relaunched with a dry:

" _Why_ would we be engaged?"

"You prefer I ask your daughter?"

As expected, this provocative question ignited a vehement, hysterical ranting from the investigator, who ended up hitting Hal with his bowler hat.

Naturally, Stephanie recordered it: when it comes to her, Edward immediately morphs into an irascible cat determined not to let go of the fight before he badly claws his adversary. Relative to today, she decided she'll took off Ed's accusations to put a comical tune, like 'Gives you Hell' by the All-American Rejects on this petty scene; this will become a priceless tik tok.

Not the first time her brother / best friend / teammate / mother hen is hilarious, far from it. She knew him since she was seven years old, they bonded within the minute. When she reflected upon it... the entire positive, happy side of her Memory starred Eddie.

"Alright, boys.", she intervened while the two shared murderous glances. "Hal, if you wanna be convincing in your self-proclaimed role, you have to get my approval to date Eddie. Shovel talk and stuff."

Hal smiled as he identified an opportunity to get sassy:

"That would imply you gave the shovel talk to...", he counted on his fingers, "Scarecrow, Batman, Question, Ra's al Ghul, Captain Boomerang, Constantine, James Gordon Junior, Hush, Broker, Clayface, Clock King, Plastic Man, Music Meister, Zodiac Master... bunch of others... most of the male Arkham staff and half the policemen from the GCPD."

"Hey!", Edward protested. "You're not one to criticize, you _intergalactic_ whore! You hook up with _everything_ living: male, female, both, neither, of any specie coming from every nooks and crannies of the galaxy! Moreover, except for the first two you mentioned, most of my adventures weren't even relationships! If we are to list every one-night stand, it will take the night."

"And tomorrow too, at the very _minimum.",_ Stephanie certified. "But to answer the initial inquiry," she reoriented the topic while Eddie pouted, "Jason, Diedre and Nina, Catwoman, Ivy and I gave the shovel talk to _everyone_ from the instant it exceeds three nights, that's our calculation. Unfortunately I couldn't at the beginning with Crane though, the _lovebirds_ hooked up before Ed stopped by in my life and... never left since then."

"I am a professional squatter.", Edward approved with dignity in response to her humorous wink. "It's impossible to cast me out: once I enter someone's routine, they never want me out of their reality."

There are scales of course, he didn't bond with everyone the same or offered them identical pieces of his... personality. Regardless, it's true Riddler never left anyone indifferent.

It won't be Hal who would protest, the man may have reformed he was a rogue most of the times they met and shared... something between dates and mutually agreed one-night stands without planning a future. Edward had been dating his long-time boyfriend Jonathan Crane the first time they made out, he wouldn't have proposed any semblance of a 'relationship' to Hal... whom at the time was dating as well.

The concept of a one-night stand is to... do it _one_ time. Is the concept valid when you repeat multiple times and come back to the same person for years?

As supportive siblings who followed the evolution of Edward's love life, to Stephanie and Jason it's undeniable something fishy is going on with their connexion.

"I already have a ring.", Hal resumed his silly hurray-we're-engaged plan of cosplay for this particular case. "I could get you one."

"I am _warning you,"_ Ed let out through gritted teeth, "if you materialize a transluescent green ring again, I won't ever do anything else with you."

"Again?", Stephie quoted.

"... He did that.", Ed confessed in a deadpan manner. "We were not even that drunk."

She arched a blond eyebrow.

"And I learn about this only now?!"

"Not informing my little sister of the details of my sexual activities with an intergalactic madman is called _common sense.",_ Eddie defended himself. "Besides, he materializes _strange_ objects, so a fake wedding ring? Not the weirdest thing he created when we were together."

"Oh.", she smirked like the Cheschire cat. "Care to tell me _where_ you put that materialized 'transluescent green ring', Lantern? Was it Eddie's _finger_ you aimed?"

Edward's whole face turned red. It's adorable whenever he blushes: his milky complexion makes the flush so damn _visible._

"You.", he prevented Hal in anticipation of the man going on with the immature bickering. "Shut. Up."

"... Fine.", the older one shrugged. "It's no taboo there are _multiple uses_ for my abilities, though. And that we... tested some. Repeatedly."

Edward barely resisted the urge to bang his head against the tabletop. Steph guffawed.

"Cheer up, Eddie.", she comforted him mockingly. "At least you satisfied this uncommon human fantasy of having weird alien sex."

"Not quite. He is not even an alien.", Ed muttered, not finding a better argument.

"But this.", Hal teamed-up with her, he pointed to his for now non-activated Lantern ring. "And its _creations..._ are 100% extraterrestrial."

"... You're not helping."

"I never hinted I was supposed to."

The two shared another parodied bat-glare.

Soon enough however, the three adults around this table giggled like kiddos after their teasing worthy of a cheesy teenagers conversation in a high school cafeteria.

As for Ed and Steph's current case? When looking around, they realized the suspect they spied on walked out of the bar somewhere during their babbling with Hal without them noticing. Doesn't mean Lantern can't stay around for next steps, they'll have _fun_ fulfilling this investigation together.

"So, about our wedding?", Hal relaunched when he saw himself invited (that is to say, Ed didn't manage to make him leave...) to the roommates' place. "If we were to roleplay it some day we're bored and are looking for something distracting to do, where would you want it to happen? Vegas?"

The detective didn't bother to provide an answer.

"Slippery slope.", Stephanie jested. "Eddie's a big theatrical _romantic,_ he'd yearn for something memorable. Like... a confession then marital union around a supernova."

"A supernova?"

"What benefit would that bring to marry a Lantern, if not to have a flashy wedding in Space?", Edward reinforced, charmed by the idea.

"... I can't tell that's a surprise. Last time we made out we settled for an asteroid. Lantern technology.", he specified for Batgirl. "I can create a 'bubble' of livable atmosphere for any living creature as long as they stay close to me, without them needing to wear an equipment."

"I know.", Steph mentioned casually, she sat in the living room's comfy sofa.

Officially, the spacious flat is Ed and her's. In fact, Jason has his own bedroom here too, he lives with them practically all the time.

Edward blinked.

"What do you mean you 'know'?!"

She grinned smugly.

"Jaybird related juicy details of his experiences... for example, that one time Kyle Rayner and him had a sweet kissing session on the Moon after they watched an earthset together. So cute and romantic all over."

Edward looked back at Hal expectantly.

"Why didn't you ever set up a date on the Moon, you savage?"

"I did better than the Moon! We danced on the rings of Saturn!"

The redhead considered the pleasant memory. It indeed compensates an earthset.

"I wish I had a part-time Lantern lover too.", Stephanie commented. "I should get myself one, it looks like _so much fun."_

Edward couldn't even find a valid argument to refute this truthful statement.


End file.
